seeking: vibrancy, health, healing.... through Paleo, training, and humor.

Your Author

Your Author

Sunday, June 17, 2012


I'm not what one might call a "patient" person. In fact, I'm pretty sure the man I live with is the only person I know who can outplay me in the 'instant gratification' department. Scratch that. I'm positive he does. But only marginally.

One thing I find particularly difficult is the initial decline in weight loss. This isn't the first time I've ventured on a journey of losing a significant amount (but by god, it's going to be my last!). The spot I'm in right now I find to be the most difficult. I've made a large loss (9 pounds total when I weighed at Jay's Mom's house this afternoon) but I'm not into my normal clothes yet. I feel triumphant that I've found my way out of the crazy steep incline of weight gain I was on and yet I've found my metal arrow pointing to "frustrated" a lot this week. Why? Because I'm still 195 pounds which is just too much weight for my frame. Because I am still awkward in this too-big body. Because I have an entire wardrobe I purchased two years ago when I dropped to 175 (and stayed there for quite some time) that I still cannot squeeze my ass into even when I suck in and jump up and down. While the loss I've made has changed the way my body looks significantly, I'm losing it unevenly (always first from the last place I put it on) which means I am starting to see the actual muscle definition from the weights I've been lifting while I still have to practically lay down on the bed to button my jeans. I recognize that irritation at a 9 pound weight loss in 12 days is irrational. But there you have it.

Patience. It's virtuous for a reason. Those clothes will be in rotation once again, very soon. Until then, I will continue to wear my one pair of in-between jeans and two pairs of too-big capris and I'm gonna like it, damn it. And today it really hit me how much difference 10 pounds makes. I caught a glance of myself in the reflective surface of the patio door and realized how much better my favorite shirt looked on me today than it did on Memorial Day. :)

My diet has been a little iffy the past two days, thanks to a date night (at Buffalo Wild Wings- HOLLA!) and Father's Day (not horrid, but not as clean as I would like). Time to get back to basics, chug the water, and get moving. I've been slammed with business demands the past two weeks. I just haven't been able to make my workouts the priority I was committed to making them. I thought when my six were gone for the summer I could easily focus on myself and I've found that other things have crowded into that empty space instead. I've come to realize that there will always, always be demands on my time and attention. Part of making myself the priority is learning to say no but also to make focused decisions that put my goals first. It's easy to lay in bed until 10, get up and work for a few hours, run errands in the afternoon, then go to the studio and work there, meet Jay and the kiddos at home for dinner, do housework, work on editing in the evening, and go to bed exhausted without having done one physically demanding activity. Getting up at dawn and running or swimming would go a long way toward making my body more fit, my mind more clear, and my day more productive. Patience and persistence. Onward we go.


1 comment:

  1. I had the same reaction to losing the first 15. I was like, "Yeah, I rock, I'm awesome, Success!" But I still weight eleventy million pounds. And when I looked at how hard I'd worked to drop the first 15, losing more weight seemed impossible. Its a tough time. That's why most people "drop out". You're going to get through it though. Once you have been at it for 6 weeks, you'll feel like you have new REAL healthy habits in place instead of the big push you're making right now to create those new habits. We're all with you 100 percent. You're doing so well and already look what you've done! Amazing!